Stories of Fasha: Good With Kids

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

 Dad loved to chill out shirtless on the weekends when we were kids in Florida.
 Aside from making all of the neighborhood housewives gag from his hairy back...
Dad would draw the neighborhood kids in like a magnet.

 Dad kept it real with us...this wasn't little league baby T-ball.
This was Big Time Balen League.
 Dad didn't put up with poor sportsmanship, either.

True story.

Chair/Shoe Farts

 Me in class this morning...8am...professor puts on a "History of Policing in America" DVD for our viewing pleasure.
I tuck in my one leg under my other and try to get comfy...
 Cursed sneaker squeaks the fartiest of fart sounds out loud.

Tales from the Slammer...Crazies, Daisies and Butt Paper.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

 I've been taking lots of notes while I'm running around
County Jail this summer...

Of note taking involves pictures for your viewing pleasure.
 This crazy white guy actually asked for us to let him run to the ATM really quick
so he could get his bail money..."BRB LOL"!
The dread lock dude was a trip...
 This kid with the mohawk came in with paper stuffed in his butt.
 AND there was a shank story.
This internship is awesome!

Messin' With Fatman...Don't Do It.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Over the years, Dad has always been there to help me and my brother out.
He'd always stay posted at the Weber during our pool parties, making sure everyone was well fed.
He'd always have breakfast ready for us and our friends in the morning after we'd have a sleepover.
I remember many times when Dad had our backs.
Like the times when our teachers would call home 
complaining about how we were acting up in class.
Fatman would go straight to the school and straighten everything out...
 Once, I was arguing with this psychotic kid in the neighborhood about 
choosing Mortal Kombat II players.
It didn't end well.
 Dad took care of him.
 Just kidding...but he did teach me how to kick boys in the nuts
when they were bothering me.
I got a little carried away with that one for a while.
 One summer, my brother's bike was stolen. 
Some high school kid thought he was hard and threw Nick's Mongoose 
in the lake.
 Fatman didn't buy Nick a new one. 
He found out who did it within 24 hours and made sure 
Nick got a brand new bike.
 Let's not forget my potential suitors over the years...
Those poor guys...
It started with a handshake that turned their bones to powder.
 Then, my Dad would take them outside to have a silent "chat".
Basically he just stared them down and let his jeans ride up to 
reveal the 9mm strapped onto his ankle.
Love ya, Fasha!

To-do Tomorrow

Sunday, May 15, 2011

 Wake the fugg up.
 Coffee drank with Cinnabon Creamer. Mmmm!
 Errands, errands, errands.
Pack up old apt to move into new apt.
Workout rage.

Homesick: The Saddest Day

Saturday, May 7, 2011

 I watched some of my friends graduate last night.
I'll have to admit, even though graduation ceremonies are
extremely boring, I did get
a little emotional about it all.
 So now that the seniors are graduating...and every one is
moving out of their apartments and going
home for the summer...
you can imagine how family-ridden campus is.
Dads and Moms and Brothers and Sisters and stupid dogs
every where...helping out and celebrating with their kids.
 Cute, right? 
Well fuck that.
My dad and brother are in Virginia
and I'm homesick as hell and stuck here alone.
I thought a nice bike ride may help...
but I only raged at families the whole time.
 When they would notice my hell fire eyes, I'd switch it up
as to not cause permanent emotional damage to them.
 Some students were spending their
last day at their apartment or house
outside on their porch drinking beer and reminiscing...
I did not approve.
 Ugh...I decided to stop and get a 6-pack on the way home.
Maybe a cold beer would take the edge off.
I parked my bike outside the liquor store and 
brought a 6er of Blue Moon up to Jafar at the register.
Homeward bound...
the moms and dads thought I was a
 A few brews later...I felt like rounding up 
friends who were still in town and 
all was well.
Someday this behavior will no longer be acceptable...
but for now...
Edit: True Story.